


When Nothing Is Left

by sock_drawer



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Character Study, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Survivor Guilt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29779839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sock_drawer/pseuds/sock_drawer
Summary: Harukawa Maki didn’t deserve to live.
Kudos: 8
Collections: Angst and Hurt/Comfort Prompts





	When Nothing Is Left

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [angstandhcprompts](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/angstandhcprompts) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Any fandom.
> 
> I would love to see any good Character Study fic, that explores the mind of the character.  
> Some trauma, PTSD, mental illnesses/disorders or violence would be a huge plus.

Harukawa Maki wanted nothing more than to be gone. She wallowed in self pity for hours every day, staring at walls, lost in thought.   
  
She didn’t deserve to live. She wasn’t supposed to be here. Four people were dead, and it was all her fault. She was the one who broke in and shot Ouma, forcing Momota to work with him. She was the one who showed Hoshi his motive video, leading Toujou to kill him. It was all her fault. She was the one who signed up for the game. She was one of many bright eyed teenagers, hoping to get chosen for the killing game. She wished she could take it back, she’d give anything to.  
  
 _Shoulders back, head up. Take a breath. Step foward. Place the paper on the table._

“I’m Harukawa Maki, number one four seven.”  
  
The room smelt of dust and cigarette smoke, a smell that would become all too familiar in the Dangan Ronpa headquarters. Light seeped through the curtains, haphazardly closed. A man in a business suit grabbed the paper she set down, he pulled his glasses from his pocket to read. 

“Go ahead kid.”

No, this isn’t right. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Where did it go wrong? Where did she go wrong?

Harukawa had every reason to be happy. She had a good life, good grades, good friends. She shouldn’t have felt the way she did. She shouldn’t have been so... numb. She wanted to feel. She wanted to know the true meaning of valuing life. She didn’t value anyone’s. Looking back on it, that was her biggest mistake. 

Someone should’ve told her this wasn’t the way to do this. This wasn’t the way to fix her numbess. To her, this was the only way.

Harukawa now spent her days in therapy, instead of in a mansion with all the money she won. She should be happy. She’s set for life, no need to ever work again. This is what all those kids lined up on the sidewalk dreamed of. 

Harukawa refused to believe that Dangan Ronpa was making another season. She’d walk the streets, seeing posters for the new season, full of enthusiastic teenagers who’s spirits hadn’t yet been crushed. She wanted to yell out to them, tell them there were better things. She saw herself in those kids, her younger self reflecting in their shining eyes.

If only she could stop them, but it’s difficult to stop a company that has more lawyers than they could keep track of.

It was her fault that this didn’t end, maybe if she were stronger, maybe if someone else were in her place. Maybe they could’ve stopped this super giant of a company. She was weak. She didn’t deserve to win, someone should’ve killed her. Then someone else could take her place.

Survivor guilt is overwhelming. She’d spend nights staring at the ceiling, replaying all the deaths in her head. She’d tell herself that should’ve been her. No one wanted her there either. Against Dangan Ronpa’s wishes, she looked at the popularity polls online.

Out of all the survivors, she was the lowest down. Ninth place. Clearly, she didn’t deserve to survive. There was six people before her that the audience would’ve rather saw.

Harukawa wrapped the guilt around her like a blanket. She let it consume her until there was nothing left. Her soul was gone, only being replaced with a feeling of bitterness. Her stomach was caved in, a slow attempt to starve herself. Her face sunk into her skull. Her legs were covered in scars.

It was a slow death, but one she was deserving of. She deserved to die a thousand times over again for all the people’s lives she took. There was no warmth, just coldness of nothing there. Four souls that left the earth too soon.

Dangan Ronpa held funeral arrangments not long after the game’s end. She could see the disappointment in everyone’s eyes, wanting their favorite to survive. She was no one’s favorite. No one cared for her in the same way they cared for Akamatsu, Ouma, even Momota. Behind the kind smiles and the hugs of empathy she could feel everyone having the same thoughts. Why did she survive? She didn’t deserve it. She had nothing going for her.

She’d convince herself she didn’t have it that bad, insisting that the other survivors were suffering more. But they weren’t. Yumeno now lived a private life in a small island off the coast of Japan. Saihara was constantly holding press conferences, interviews, staying very public. As for Harukawa, everyone forgot about her. Not like anyone cared in the first place.

For now, she’d walk the streets alone, cold, empty. If anyone noticed her it only illicited a soft whisper to a friend, maybe a stare or point. She liked it that way. She didn’t want to be like Saihara, giving Dangan Ronpa exactly what they wanted. She would never do what they wanted. As far as the public knew, Harukawa was held in a mental hospital, maybe disappeared off the face of the earth, maybe she was dead. 

God, could she only hope to not wake up in the morning, then she wouldn’t have to worry anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry its kinda small, i just wanted to post something because i havent in awhile. i really need to get working on my other fics but school is kicking my ass along with executive dysfunction. i hope you like this in the meantime.


End file.
